Like Taps O'Thrissle 
By:afg
Rating: PG
Category: M/S Stupidfic
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Actually it's a bit nippy.
Note: Written for a Challenge over at Fandomonium. 
Blame Tali, I am.

 ~oOo~


"Morning Scully."

"Mulder."

"Nice shades."

"You too."

"How are you feeling?"

"Like crap. You?"

"Don't ask."

"You deserve to feel awful, Mulder, seeing as it's all your fault."

"MY fault?"

"Yes."

"How, pray tell is it all my fault."

" 'Pray tell' Who the hell talks like that, Mulder?"

" I have a headache, possibly an alcohol induced brain tumour, it's 
obviously affected my speech centres. You didn't answer my question."

"Your friends, therefore, your fault."

"The Lone Gunmen are your friends too, especially after you did the thing 
with the courgette."

"Courgette?"

"Sorry it's my misspent youth in England coming out I meant Zuchini."

"Mulder, please tell me I didn't."

"Don't look so worried, Scully. The guys were really impressed, they had 
no idea you were so flexible."

"Kill me now."

"And deprive the world of such talent. I don't think so." 

"How much did we drink last night?"

"I have no idea, but it didn't help that Frohike spiked the chile con 
carne."

"Oh, Christ don't talk about that."

"I don't mean to be harsh Scully but green's really not your color."

"Shut up Mulder unless you want to be reacquainted with last night's 
special. I knew we should have kept with the haggis, like last year. I 
don't remember Robert Burns writing any poetry about the glory that is 
TexMex cuisine."

"He would have if he'd tasted Frohike's chilli."

"So, Mulder, what's with the suitcase? "

"Suitcase, what suitcase?"

"The one you're trying to hide under your desk."

"Oh THAT suitcase.  I just decided to move out of my place."

"You did, why?"

"Oh alright, my waterbed sprung a leak and my landlord threw me out."

"Oh thank God for that."

"I tell you I'm homeless and you are pleased? You're not being very 
supportive, Scully."

"No, it's not that. Well, if you must know, when I got up this morning to 
go home, the sheets were wet and I had a horrible feeling I'd wet the 
bed."

"You might have told me, I could have plugged the leak before it ran 
down into Mrs. Welburn's apartment. She wasn't happy, I had to hand 
over two hundred dollars to pacify her."

" The idea of waking you to tell you I'd peed in your bed, was less than 
appealing at five thirty this morning. How did the bed get a leak 
anyway?"

"The candle wax melted a bit of the plastic mattress."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh."

"Sorry."

"Have you any idea how difficult it is to get wax out of pubic hair? Plus I 
think you scorched one of my nipples."

"Sorry."

"I had no idea you were so innovative when plastered."

"Neither did I."

"Here's the deal, Scully. Put me up until I can find a new apartment, and 
I won't mention your strange proclivities again."

"You're on."

"Good that's settled then."

"Good, let's get to work shall we?"

"Scully?"

"What?"

"When I move in, will you do that thing with the zucchini for me."

"Sorry, Mulder. I'll be needing that for Frohike."

"Fair enough."

~oOo~

Challenge Elements.

Candle Wax
A Baby's Dummy (The US term for a dummy is a pacifier. If you look 
carefully you'll find it…sort of.)
Wetting the bed (or talk of).
Chili con carne
Robert Burns.
Courgette.

End Note: No, I haven't a clue what the title means either.