Beat the Retreat
By: afg – www.ofnoconsequence.com
Rating: PG
Category: Angst. Sam/Jack.
Disclaimer: Not mine and no money is being made
For: Rowan.  Happy birthday! 

~oOo~

The air was almost painfully cold as it hit her lungs with each breath. The sidewalk 
beneath her running shoes was slippery in places and she had to watch carefully 
where she put her feet. She passed no one, as the hour was early, and the sun was just 
rising, making the sky on the horizon a milky blue. 

The sidewalks were spotless and the buildings impressive as she would expect in such 
an affluent area of Washington. She hated it. It wasn't her and it wasn't him. It 
reminded her how many things had changed. They lived in two different worlds now 
often quite literally. There was no more sitting around campfires drying wet socks, no 
picking weird little bugs off each other's skin while bathing in alien streams; no 
complaining about the stale chocolate in the ration packs, no covering each other's 
six, no bandaging of one another's wounds. All gone. 

She smoothly sidestepped another patch of ice, her long legs not breaking rhythm as 
they sped her down the street.

Sam had known that it would be different; she'd been prepared for that, but she'd not 
understood how much it would change him.  The man she'd loved for so long was 
gone and in his place was someone she hardly knew. The outward appearance was not 
a problem to her. The spreading waistline, the softening of his hard features was of no 
importance; that was not what mattered to her. Inside was another problem. He was 
not a man made for mahogany and soft leather; he was all gun oil and webbing. The 
cold noodles and bitter coffee of old, had been replaced by long lunches and good 
brandy and it had taken something fundamental from him. His was built for battle not 
politics; this new life was killing him. Admittedly it was subtler than a staff weapon, 
but no less deadly.

She felt the pain leave her body and a pleasant buzz take its place, there was no strain 
now, just effortless speed and the hypnotizing rhythm of trainers on concrete.

Each time she'd come to visit him she'd noticed more and more of the man she loved 
disappear. He'd started to drink more spirits than beer, and his tongue, which had 
always been sharp, was now bitter and, more often than not, aimed at her. It was as if 
her presence reminded him off the things he had lost. She wanted to remind him of 
what he had gained, but she realized that she just wasn't enough to replace what was 
gone. She had only just realized it, this morning in fact. This knowledge came to her 
with a depressing familiarity. She had spent her whole life never being quite enough 
for anyone. 

The tears that ran down her face came as a strange contrast to the endorphin rush that 
was flowing through her body. Like crying and climaxing at the same time. She ran 
faster.

Sam was not a naturally aggressive person. She'd had to develop that quality. In battle 
she was fierce and determined. She had to protect what was hers, her team, her 
friends, her planet. That was no problem. But her personal emotional battles where 
quite another thing. There was too much of the lonely little girl still left in her, and her 
desire to please often left room for people to take advantage, even if they were 
unaware they were doing so. 

She could see Jack's building at the far end of the street. Each step took her closer. 
Cars were starting to appear on the roads and the sounds of the city waking up filled 
her senses. The new day had dawned.

There was only one question for her now. Would she stand and fight for the man he 
could be, or would she let him overwhelm her defences and make her run from what 
he now was?  

Sam slowed and walked the last hundred yards to cool off; her breath chuffing out in 
white clouds of vapour. She walked through the large glass doors to the lobby of the 
building. The security guard gave her nod and beckoned her over.

"Ma'am, will you be here next weekend? The elevators are due for their annual 
maintenance check." The large man smiled at her apologetically.

Sam looked at him for a long moment. She was starting to feel a little chilled now that 
the sweat was drying on her body. "I'm not sure yet, Jerry."

"Well, ma'am, just remember that you'll have to use the stairs if you are."   

"I'll remember. Thanks, Jerry." Sam smiled and turned to go.

"You have a good day, ma'am."

"I'm going to try and do just that." 

The end