A Dubious Honour By: afg – www.ofnoconsequence.com Rating: PG13 Category: Team silliness Disclaimer: Not mine and no money is being made. Feedback: Any comments welcomed at, siggy.63@btinternet.com Thanks: To audu2 for doing her stuff. Also to Queen Mab, for a suggestion regarding embarrassing situations involving SG-1. For: AnnaK. Happy birthday Anna. "Welcome, welcome, O'Neill and the brave SG-1, the slayers of the evil false god. You honour us with your presence." The small rotund man shouted enthusiastically as he rushed up the stone steps to greet them. He was closely followed by a small group of extraordinarily beautiful young women, with long black hair and dark eyes, each of them carrying a basket of what looked like rose petals, which they liberally flung in front of the descending SG-1. "Hey, Arsheed, how're things?" O'Neill said, smiling at the smaller man and extending his hand in greeting. "Things, as you say, are very well." Arsheed grasped the proffered hand and shook it vigorously. "The new High Council has been elected and building work is proceeding as planned." "Great, that's great, isn't that right, Daniel?" O'Neill looked across at the bespectacled archaeologist trying to fend off the attentions of one or two of the young women while at the same time, blowing his nose. "Err, yes that's very good." Daniel gave a mighty sneeze, which served to deter the women somewhat. "Bit of an allergy problem there, Daniel?" Sam asked, as she walked over to him. "It's these petals." Daniel made a grab for his glasses as one of the women plucked them from his face. "Actually, I need those, could I have them back?" "But they hide your beautiful eyes, Daniel" The woman said, pouting a little. "Teal'c?" Daniel called, plaintively. "Daniel Jackson wishes you to return his glasses. Do so." Teal'c came over and loomed as only a former First Prime can. The woman gave a sigh and sulkily handed them back to the squinting Daniel. "Nice teamwork guys." Sam deadpanned. "Come my friends, come and see how we have honoured the brave warriors of the Tau'ri." Arsheed said, scampering around them like an overweight puppy. "Come, follow me." Arsheed led SG-1, through the narrow streets of the half ruined city. The smiling, cheering residents all colourfully dressed and wearing garlands of flowers followed them. "I hope this involves food." O'Neill muttered to his second in command. "I missed breakfast this morning." "I'm sure food will be available at some point, sir." Sam smiled, and then grimaced as Daniel sneezed, yet again, on the back of her head. "Sorry, Sam, it's all these flowers." "S'okay Daniel." "I believe that Arsheed is taking us to the temple." Teal'c pointed out the ornate stone building in the centre if the city, its tall sandstone columns glowing gold in the morning sunshine. As they approached they noticed that the statues of the former deity had been removed and there were now new ones placed along the route, of a beautiful voluptuous woman whose face smiled down benignly on her subjects. "Daniel Jackson, what goddess is this who has replaced the false god Yama?" the ever curious Teal'c asked. "I'm not absolutely sure but I think it may be a representation of Shakti. The Mother of the Universe and the embodiment of the spirit of creation." "Dr Jackson is quite right, my friend" Arsheed said, beaming up at Teal'c. "When you overthrew the impostor posing as Yama, the High Council felt that rededicating the Temple to Shakti would bring healing to our people. "A wise decision indeed," Teal'c agreed "She's a damn sight better looking than Yama, the King of Death," O'Neill said. "Ah yes, O'Neill, she is the consort to the Lord Shiva, she is also concerned with fertility. If you would like, we could have a blessing ceremony for you Major Carter and perhaps Shakti will bring you many sons," Arsheed offered. "Yes, Carter, many sons. How about it?" O'Neill elbowed her, smirking. "Ah, well, Arsheed, that's very generous of you, but I don't think that will be necessary." "As you wish, Major. You need only tell me if you change your mind." "Thank you, Arsheed. You never know, one day I might take you up on that." Sam sent a stern glance O'Neill's way. Thankfully, as far as Sam was concerned, the subject was dropped as Arsheed led them into the magnificent Temple. The people following them jostled for position to observe the honouring of the warriors of SG-1. Arsheed walked over to three huge columns that supported part of the temple roof. "We the people," he intoned in a singsong chant, "honour the mighty warriors of the Tau'ri, who freed us from the cruel hands of the Goau'ld who took on the guise of the terrible demon god Yama, the King of Death. They showed us his perfidy and how we might rise up against our oppressor and his evil minions the Jaffa." Arsheed suddenly looked chagrined and scampered over to Teal'c. "Of course, my friend, I do not think of you as an evil minion, I meant no insult." Teal'c inclined his head in acknowledgement, Arsheed scurried back to his position by the columns and clearing his throat, he continued. "In honour of their courage and great skill in battle and for their many gifts of medicine to help the wounded and sick, we the people dedicate these three columns to them; may they stand as a testament to their brave deeds for all time." Arsheed finished and began clapping vigorously, the rest of the assembled throng joined in, cheering and clapping with great enthusiasm. O'Neill smiled and waved at the crowds, while Sam looked a little shy at all the attention. Teal'c stood proudly and Daniel sauntered over to the columns to have a look at the intricate carvings that ran in rings around each pillar. "Hey guys, come and have a look at this," he called to his companions. "Yes my friends, come and see, our master carvers have worked for many months to create this tribute." Arsheed herded them over to the first pillar. Jack took a close look at the beautifully rendered carvings. "Wow these are really good." The first column depicted the people struggling under the yoke of tyranny. Troops of Jaffa guarding bedraggled, half starved slaves as they worked in the fields or in the mines. Women holding babies cowering at the feet of the cruel Yama. They walked over to the second column and Daniel perked up "Look guys that's me." He pointed to a bespectacled figure speaking to a group of elders, his fist raised in defiance. The other members of the team picked themselves out in various scenes. Carter was engaging in hand-to-hand combat with a Jaffa twice her size. Teal'c was depicted rushing at an entire phalanx of Jaffa, his staff weapon blazing. O'Neill was shown standing astride the body of the evil Yama after delivering the Goa'uld's deathblow. "Cool." O'Neill grinned and slapped Arsheed heartily on the back. "Err, Jack?" Daniel said, worriedly as he beckoned O'Neill over to the third column. The rest of the team followed and all three of them stood in silence as they gazed open mouthed at the carvings on the pillar. They stood for some time before Arsheed bounded up to them. "Ah yes, they are quite exquisite aren't they? Awe inspiring in their song to the goddess." Arsheed smiled, pleased at the rapt attention his tribute was getting. "Errm, I don't see any singing." O'Neill finally choked out. "I believe it is a figure of speech." Teal'c said sagely. "Sam, you're drooling," Daniel pointed out, helpfully. Sam's jaw shut with an audible snap. "Oh. My. God." "Look guys, it's not as if we've never seen each other naked before," Daniel chipped in trying to forestall an explosion from the Colonel. "Daniel, I hope to God that you've never seen me like that!" Jack pointed at a particularly graphic image. "I didn't realize these people followed the Tantrika, a highly spiritual form of Hinduism, which as a minor part of its philosophy sees sex as a way of communing with the Godhead. This is a great honour Arsheed and his people have bestowed upon us." Daniel gave O'Neill a meaningful look in case Jack should offend their host. "Yes, I get the honour part, Daniel but look at us," he said jabbing a finger at the offending pillar. "We're, we're…well, we're doing things that aren't permissible under Air Force regulations. Hell, they're probably not permissible in half the states in the US." "They are very lifelike." Teal'c said. Sam just stared wide-eyed at the carvings before her. Scenes depicting physical intimacy of an exceedingly gymnastic nature crowded the stone surface. She blushed, realizing that somehow the carvers had judged her cup size to perfection. She wondered if the guys had been rendered as accurately. "Carter will you stop staring at my…my…" "Tumescence?" supplied Teal'c, helpfully. "Yes, Carter, stop staring at that." Jack pointed to a particularly lurid scene involving all four of them conjoined in carnal bliss. The carvers had even managed to chisel out the little droplets of sweat on their writhing bodies. "Sorry, sir," Sam said, blushing furiously. Daniel noticed Arsheed looking worried. "Are you not pleased with this honour?" the little man asked, wringing his hands together nervously. "Jack?" Daniel nudged O'Neill and cocked his head in Arsheed's direction. "The General is going to burst a blood vessel if you lose the chance of bargaining for some of the naquadah that these people have lying around." "Oh for crying out loud. Arsheed, buddy, this is great, really. I was just a bit taken aback that's all. We are all very grateful for this honour. Isn't that right guys?" "Absolutely," Daniel said smiling encouragingly. "Indeed," Teal'c bowed slightly. "Carter! You're staring again." Jack clamped a hand on her shoulder, turning her away from the object of her interest. "Sorry, Colonel…Yes Arsheed, thank you, it's…lovely" The little man bounced up and down on the balls of his feet in delight. "Wonderful, my friends, I am so happy!" He started to herd them towards the rear of the temple where a huge banquet had been set out. "Come, let us eat and celebrate this great day." The team walked over to the long table and sat down on the sumptuous cushions. "See, Colonel, I told you there'd be food," Sam said with a beaming smile. "Sweet," Jack picked up something that resembled chicken and took a bite. "S'good," he said with his mouth full. "Excellent." Arsheed said, joining them along with the members of the High Council. "Eat, everyone, eat." Everybody proceeded to eat and drink and talk and praise the members of SG-1 until they were quite overcome with all the attention. "The thing is," O'Neill said, much later as he waved to the crowds that had followed them back to the gate to wish them a fond farewell and a swift return. "How are we going to keep the rest of the SGC from finding out about our little 'honour' over at the Temple? I mean you know what a big mouth Colonel Edwards has, and SG-11 will be in charge of the naquadah extraction. I'm not looking forward to God knows who looking at my…my…" "Tumescence? Teal'c supplied one again. "Yeah, that's the word. Thanks, T," Jack scowled, "and you can take that look off your face too, Carter." "Yes, sir, sorry, sir." Sam tried and failed to suppress a knowing smirk. "Don't worry Jack, I'll think of something…maybe I'll tell them the temple's cursed or something." Daniel finished dialing and the gate whooshed open. They walked forward and prepared to step through the event horizon. "You know, sir? You've nothing to be embarrassed about in the tumescence department." Carter said and then quickly stepped into the circle and disappeared. Jack paused for a moment, a happy smile blooming on his face. "Really, that impressive eh?" he nudged Daniel. "Forget about the curse thing, Daniel," and with a jaunty stride he stepped through the gate. "Daniel Jackson." Teal'c put his large hand on Daniel's shoulder, "You also should be proud of your attributes." Bowing slightly, he vanished through the shimmering blue circle. Mouth gaping, Daniel squawked…"Teal'c!?!" The end.